Recently if somebody asks “how are you?” I could just burst into tears.
I’m actually fine by the way.
I’m genuinely just so unbelievably tired of my toddler waking for 2 hours a night thinking it’s playtime and shouting “IYA!” in the most Northern accent I’ve ever heard.
God I love his little wild head, but go the f**k to sleep!
If you’re reading this at some ungodly hour with your baby awake or your toddler using you as a climbing frame – hi.
I know this is a bit different from my usual travel content. I’ve derailed a bit because I think this stuff is important too. I don’t want it to seem like everything’s always sunshine and cocktails (I really wish it was).
The specific brand of motherhood exhaustion that comes from running on caffeine, broken sleep, and the desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, tonight they’ll actually stay asleep – that’s something worth talking about. Hopefully we can all feel a little less alone in the madness after my rant – and I’ll drop some survival tips in at the end for good measure!
You Know You’re Burnt Out When…
- Someone asks “how are you?” and you immediately well up like you’re watching a new John Lewis Christmas advert
- One more person touching you might actually make you scream
- You can’t remember the last time you finished a cuppa while it was hot
- “What’s for tea?” makes you want to throw something
- You’re tired in a way that even a full night’s sleep wouldn’t fix (not that you’re getting one anyway)
- You’ve daydreamed about booking a Travelodge alone just to watch Love Island in peace
- The mental load of remembering everyone’s bloody everything is actually breaking your brain
- You feel guilty for feeling this way because “they’re only little once” and “you should be grateful”
You CAN be grateful AND absolutely cream-crackered. You can love your kids with your whole heart AND desperately need them to just let you sleep for five consecutive hours.
These feelings can absolutely coexist.
Why Everyone’s Self-Care Advice is Actually Annoying
Everyone and their nan keeps going on about self-care like a Lush bath bomb and drinking a Stanley cup of water will somehow undo months of sleep deprivation.
Don’t get me wrong, if you love a gritty bath, crack on. I love my Stanley cup aswell tbh. But real burnout recovery isn’t about sticking a face mask on while your toddler bangs on the bathroom door.
Although I will say – I’m seriously wondering about splurging on the Shark Facial Glow Pro. If you have one of these I absolutely need to hear from you. Will it just collect dust in my cupboard forever? Is it just me wanting to feel vaguely human again? Will it give me the at home aquapure facial I’m after? Who knows. But sometimes wanting something that makes you feel a tiny bit put-together is completely valid, even if you’re still running on fumes!
Anyway back to it – motherhood is absolutely relentless. There’s no clocking off at 5pm. No lunch breaks. No sickie days. No village of support (for some of us – I know I know I have to look after my own baby, pass me a violin). Just an endless cycle of needs and noise and Peppa Pig on repeat.
And nighttime? That’s not rest anymore. That’s just daytime but darker with more noise.
You’re doing your absolute best in a world that expects mums to do everything for everyone while also having a career, maintaining a relationship, keeping the house vaguely clean, and somehow still looking immaculate (this goal is long gone!)
All on the sleep equivalent of a budget airline crew. Except they get breaks and you get a toddler yelling “IYA!” at stupid o’clock.
We’re allowed to be knackered and moan our tits off.
Tiny Survival Tricks
So now we’ve established we’re not the problem, let’s talk about little things that might actually help…
1. Protect Your Morning Coffee Like It’s Gold
Morning coffee is basically the only ritual we’ve got left. My sage coffee machine is possibly the best purchase I’ve ever made at this point.
Right now I’m at the stage of life where treating myself to comfy pyjamas and a new snazzy mug is about as exciting as things get. Or – since we’re all about travel over here – I’m obsessed with my new travel coffee cup from yeti.
When you’ve been up since 1am listening to your toddler’s full morning routine in the middle of the bloody night, that hot coffee hits different.
2. Micro-Moments of Peace Are Still Peace
You don’t need a whole spa weekend. You just need 10 minutes where nobody is shouting “MAMA” at full volume.
Is it just me that loves sitting in traffic on my own now? Oh what a shame it’s going to take me 40 minutes extra to get home. Those moments count.
Seriously if you need help just to actually hear your own thoughts again, the Loop noise-cancelling earplugs are a great help. Especially when you’re so tired that normal conversation feels like someone’s shouting directly into your brain.
3. Actually Feed Yourself Proper Food
Ok I’m so bad at this. The biscuit tin is basically my best friend now.
Stock up on easy snacks – protein bars that don’t taste like cardboard, decent crisps, chocolate you don’t have to share, fruit you don’t have to faff about cutting up.
Or if thinking about what to cook feels impossible right now, meal prep isn’t lazy – it’s survival. You can’t function on toast and half a petit filou.
4. Read Something That Isn’t “The Gruffalo”
Remember when you used to read actual books? For fun?
Even one page counts. Just something to remind you that you can read more than basic English.
I’m currently reading None Of This Is True because everyone everywhere is recommending it to me. I’ll keep you posted.
When It’s More Than Just Being Tired
Sleep deprivation is literally torture. Like actual torture they use on prisoners.
And yet we’re just supposed to crack on, make nutritious dinners, be patient and present, work, parent, and definitely not burst into tears when the Tesco checkout person asks if we’d like a carrier bag.
I’m all for dark humor but sometimes it’s deeper than just needing better coffee.
If you’re feeling:
- Like you’re just existing, not living
- More resentful than loving toward your family
- Unable to enjoy anything anymore
- Like you’re disappearing
- Like the crying-when-someone-asks-how-you-are isn’t just tiredness
That might be depression, anxiety, or real burnout that needs actual professional help.
Online therapy has been a lifesaver for loads of mums I know. You can do it from home, fit it around naps, no childcare faff.
There’s absolutely no shame in getting help. Honestly, asking for it is probably the bravest thing you’ll do.
Books that are awesome for this:
- Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman
- How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis
- Mind Over Mother by Anna Mathur
Planning Your Escape (The Fun Kind)
Right, this is where my travel-obsessed heart gets excited.
You need something to look forward to.
You don’t need to book a two-week holiday right now. You need a cute notebook and ten minutes. This one I got from Papier is stunning. Start planning something – a city break, a weekend away, a trip you’ve always wanted to take. You don’t even need to book it yet. The dreaming alone does something to your nervous system that rest can’t quite replicate.
This isn’t about running away from your life. It’s about remembering you exist outside of it.
And maybe, just maybe, getting one full night’s kip in a hotel where nobody screams “IYA!” at 3am.
You’re Still In There, I Promise
You haven’t disappeared. You’re still you, just buried under laundry mountains and constant worry and being absolutely cream-crackered.
That woman you were before kids? She’s not gone. She’s just evolved into someone who can function on 3 hours sleep and read Dear Zoo 8 million times.
You’re not the same person anymore, and that’s actually okay. You’re allowed to miss the old you while figuring out who this version is.
Some days you’ll run on nothing but sheer willpower, and honestly? That’s quite impressive.
Some days you’ll cry when someone asks how you are because you’re genuinely THAT knackered.
Some days you’ll be absolutely furious at your toddler’s little wild head while simultaneously wanting to squeeze them because they’re so bloody cute.
And some days you’ll hide in the bathroom eating chocolate and having a little cry, and that’s completely fine too.
This is me giving you a gentle shove: you still exist.
You’re allowed to be absolutely f**king exhausted and just want ONE full night of uninterrupted sleep.
So keep that cold coffee close, plan your next adventure (even if it’s months away), and remember: just surviving this bit is actually enough.
You’re doing way better than you think.
Even if your toddler wakes up at 2am shouting in their little Northern accent.
God, I love his little wild head. But seriously, GO THE F**K TO SLEEP.
Right, go stick that coffee in the microwave one more time. Or just embrace the cold coffee life, put an ice cube in it why not.
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